'Youre not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.....'

'Do you want Gin with your tonic'

''I only drink a little, but when I do, I turn into another person, and that person drinks ALOT'

'I dont get drunk, I just get less classy and MORE FUN'

'Watch out for that hedge'

'Im not as think as you drunk I am'

'A wise man invented beer, a smart man drinks it, but a GENIUS drinks GUINNESS'

'Whoever said laughter is the best medicine has clearly never tasted liquor'

To me - 'drink responsibly' means don't spill it.

*Health Warning*

DO NOT FEED OVER 5 PINTS

'I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs - I only have one small problem - I lie about all of the above'